Back to School Bullying: A 5 Part Series on Parental Guidelines For Dealing with Bullying – Part 2

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

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By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

Part one of this series discussed looking for warning signs, ways to show wisdom and how to provide guidance for bullying that is physical and also verbal in nature. In this edition, I’ll offer some strategies if you decide you want to try some more direct or confrontational approaches with the bully, as well as discussing dealing with psychological forms of bullying.

Direct Strategies

  • If you or your child want to confront the bully more directly here’s a couple suggestions:
  • Try a psychological approach something like this: “Are you trying to bullying me? You know, make me feel inferior and embarrassed and as a result you feel superior and gain in popularity or power in the eyes of our peers? You do know that’s out of style and messes you up in your adult years, don’t ya?”
  • Here’s another one, pretending an air of emotionally…

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Back to School Bullying: A 5 Part Series on Parental Guidelines For Dealing with Bullying

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

bullying 1

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

You’re all excited for the new school year – the kids and so are the parents. They’re looking forward to friends, events and who knows, maybe even learning something cool. Parents are looking forward to getting the kids out of the house and seeing their kids grow and learn new things. However, no one is looking forward to dealing with a bullying situation. And yet, it happens. And I mean a lot. The website nobullying.com reports that 90% of all students in grades 4th through 8th have reported being a victim of bullying and Dosomething.org cites that “Over 67% of students believe that schools respond poorly to bullying, with a high percentage of students believing that adult help is infrequent and ineffective.” Bullying can be physical aggression or fighting, but also can be mocking, insults, threats, shaming ridicule, ostracizing a child, stealing from them and…

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3 Ways to Destroy a Relationship: Do These Things If Don’t Want Your Relationship to Thrive

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

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By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

People always want to know ways they can improve their relationship and there are a plethora of content out there on how to spice things up, how to communicate, how to spend quality time together, you name it. But it seemed to me recently that there isn’t as much available on what not to do, or on what things ruin relationships and so I thought I’d take that on. This is styled in the – backwards way of explaining how to mess up your relationship. Here goes:

  1. Focus on the facts and details and not on the underlying emotions and their meaning.

When there is disagreement and arguing among you and your significant other, make sure that you zero in on what you remember about what you said that was right and what they said and how it was wrong. Stay on the nitty gritty…

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Can Christians Get Angry What to Do About it?

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

jesus with whip

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

Christians can’t allow themselves to get angry. Come on look at the verses. Look at where Jesus says In Matthew 5 that if you say Raca – an abusive slur – to someone you are going to hell. So, if you show anger you’re in big trouble with God.

Okay, I’m just messin’ with ya! Of course Christians can get angry! And I mean they can show it too. Like when Jesus was making a whip and throwing businessmen out of the temple. Like when Moses got so mad at the Israelites for their making the golden calf that he ground it to power and made them drink it. Like when David took on Goliath. Like when Peter spoke up to the sorcerer who wanted to utilize the power of the Spirit for gain. Like when Paul was so angry at the Judiazers that he…

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What to Do About Your Little Boy Husband

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

Portrait of two men playing video games

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

I don’t mean to stereotype (too much), but do you think that husbands or boyfriends come in “types”? Although I not a fan of labeling people, I do believe that there are categories of issues that people struggle with. And by taking a look at and understanding a type, which in this case is just a description of a cluster of issues, we can gain perspective on our spouse and we can learn how to be involved in their lives in more helpful ways. My goal is not to start a bash-fest on certain husbands, but rather to equip wives (and girlfriends) to be able to engage with their partner in a way that moves him towards his best self. You see, it is true that you cannot change another person directly and that we cannot control people. But, it is like my friend says…

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A New New Year’s Experiment to Improve the Outcomes of Your New Year’s Goals

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

2014By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

So, it’s the New Year again. And probably almost everyone will be thinking about New Year’s Resolutions or plans or desires about what they want to achieve during the year ahead. We seem to be oriented this way – to take stock once a year – to mark off our life journey, and use intervals to review and evaluate our course. That is what you are doing, right? Right?

I bet I probably had you with the first part – the part about making goals for the year ahead. But what about the next part – of evaluating and reviewing your course? Might you be doing the one without the other? If I’m right, I would say that if so you would be among the majority. It seems to me that many folks had all kinds of dreams, plans, goals etc. of where they want…

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Getting Through the Holiday Blues

Originally posted on Counseling Matters:

holiday sad

By Matt W. Sandford, LMHC

It seems like a wonderful time of year. People get excited for time with their families, to enjoy holiday traditions and make new memories. But – I think it’s actually just as common for people to not look forward to this time of year. If you are one of those who don’t you may feel like you are the odd ball, thinking that most people can’t identify with your perspective. And so, like those many who can identify with you, you keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself and put on a pretend face. Maybe you have found someone with whom you can commiserate, and if so, you may end up mocking those who seem naively upbeat. It’s a common way of coping with our hurts, by mocking folks who don’t really get it, and elevating our own higher sense of clarity and realism. Problem…

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